Welcome back friends and followers! What is it that brings fingers to keys on this fine Wednesday? Is it that the President slow jammed the news with Jimmy Fallon last night? Is it that I don't want to do my homework? Is it that I am still trying to come up with a petition to get BJ and the Bear on Netflix? Nay nay...although all of these things are true, they are not what today's topic is about. Today we ask the question "Is Cleanliness next to drunkenness?"
As confusing as that question may sound to most of you, there is a method to my madness. While strolling down the Facebook news feed this morning (which I do before I start my homework for the day) I found an article from Fort Wayne, Indiana posted by my friend Jim Green. It tells the story of how the teenage hicks from Indiana have taken to ingesting hand sanitizer. I laugh and think that this is some isolated incident of bored teenagers. I then Google this topic and find that it is a much larger issue than I initially thought. I find an ABC News article on kids in California doing the same thing (http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/04/teens-getting-drunk-on-hand-sanitizer/)
Our teens today have decided that rather than get someone with a fake ID, or steal some liquor from Dad's collection, they are going to start drinking hand sanitizer! What happened to the days of chugging NyQuil (we love you, you giant fucking Q!). Cough syrup tastes much better than hand sanitizer, one would think. But nay, the youth of today would rather drink cleaning agents than the original green death flavor of our beloved NyQuil. I recall being threatened with soap in my mouth for swearing when I was young...have these children not been scared the same way? How hard up for alcohol does one have to get to start looking at hand sanitizer and saying, "man, I sure could use a drink of THAT right now!"?
I can appreciate a teenager stealing a bottle from his/her parents' liquor cabinet. It is almost a rite of passage. As long as they aren't pouring it into their eyeball (see earlier blog Vodka Eyeballing). I would not be offended if a teen asked me to buy them some beer (not that I would..but I would not be offended). But to drink hand cleaner?? That isn't even creative, that's just stupid. Next they will be drinking gasoline because of ethanol percentage will have gotten high enough to entice them. Then again, a case of beer will be cheaper than a gallon of gasoline soon.
So here is a message from someone who has been there...there are much easier (and safer) ways to get drunk than products that are not made for consumption. This also covers huffing your own fermented shit (see earlier blog, I don't even want to get in to this again). Ask your older brother, ask your uncle, ask your buddy's brother...teenagers have been getting drunk under age for YEARS! Gather the wisdom of your elders...stop trying to invent things...you guys are doing it all wrong. Come on...huffing shit, pouring perfectly good liquor in your eyes, drinking hand cleaner... what's next? Licking your cat's ass? Stop while you are ahead...and still alive. Until next time... Stay Salty!
-Salty Dog
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Starbugs
Welcome back faithful few! It has been a bit since I have put fingers to keyboard..but I am here to deliver on Arnold's promise...I'm back. As many of you know, I am an old school coffee kind of guy. Starbucks is not my friend..I don't do snob coffee. I can handle Dunkin Donuts and their Al Pacino commercials for Dunkaccino before I will consider letting an Italian Bartender make my cup of Joe. So what is it that brings me back? Is it to discuss Tim Tebow ordering a Virgin Mary from a bar in New York City? Is it Rex Ryan choosing his starting quarterback by how sexy his feet are? Is it the fact that the Prince of Tides was neither about Princes nor Tides? Nay nay...it is once again, Starbucks!
Starbucks apparently has a new menu item. Strawberry Frappuccino. You can order this item in small, medium, or large...(just don't try to order it that way...they don't respond to English). What you can't order this item without though...is bugs. Cochineal bugs to be precise. What the hell is a cochineal bug? You may be asking yourself. Well let your friend and humble narrator show you!
This little bugger is killed, dried out, and crushed to make a pretty red powder. This red powder is used a dye for things. It is also recognized by the World Health Organization to cause allergic reactions and asthma in humans. Starbucks is trying to get away from using artificial colors and ingredients in their beverages...so instead they give you insects in their coffee?? I will take my FD&C Red Number 5 over some poison covered beetle any day!
For those of you who feel the need to drink your 5 dollar coffees because they come in a fancy cup with your name written on it....knock yourselves out. For this guy, this is just one more check in the column of Dunkin Donuts. Carry on, my wayward children. Until next time...Stay Salty.
-Salty Dog
Starbucks apparently has a new menu item. Strawberry Frappuccino. You can order this item in small, medium, or large...(just don't try to order it that way...they don't respond to English). What you can't order this item without though...is bugs. Cochineal bugs to be precise. What the hell is a cochineal bug? You may be asking yourself. Well let your friend and humble narrator show you!
For those of you who feel the need to drink your 5 dollar coffees because they come in a fancy cup with your name written on it....knock yourselves out. For this guy, this is just one more check in the column of Dunkin Donuts. Carry on, my wayward children. Until next time...Stay Salty.
-Salty Dog
Monday, February 13, 2012
People Are People
Welcome back faithful few! I am sorry to disappoint, but I am not here today with a tirade. I was just cleaning around my computer room and I saw a picture of some friends and myself in front of the Naro Theater in Ghent. The majority of you reading have no idea what the Naro is, nor where in the hell Ghent is. Let me explain a little bit...The Naro Theater is a one screen movie theater with a stage and balcony. The performing group "Fishnet Inc." does a live rendition of the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Naro 2-3 times a month. This is where the picture was taken.
When I look at the guys in this picture, it makes me think of the melting pot of friends and acquaintances I have come to acquire. One of them is gay, one of them weighs over 300 pounds, and one of them is a hillbilly. Now, if I were to further expand my collection of friends I would see that I have both gay and lesbian friends, Christian and Satanist friends, black and white friends, overweight and nearly anorexic friends, and old and young friends. I look back to high school...I had friends that were jocks, heads, preps, band geeks, nerds, closeted gays (it isn't like they could just be "out" in the late 80s in high school), and all other subclasses. This blog is for all of them (hell, there are many of those categories that I fall in as well....Satanist, overweight, geek, jock) and for me as well.
If you wear a XXL t-shirt or bigger, you are looked at like there is something wrong with you. If you believe that Jesus was something more than a character in a book (like Moby Dick) there are people who ridicule you. If you don't believe in Jesus at all, you are laughed at. If you are a guy that is attracted to other guys or a girl that is attracted to other girls you are called names, or beaten, and not afforded the rights of your heterosexual counterparts. If you speak with a Southern accent you are considered a redneck. If you speak with a Northern accent, you are considered a dumb Yankee. When we become adults, we find ways to deal with all of these issues. We shrug them off, we protest against the treatment, we hole up in our homes and shun the outside world...the list goes on.
In general, I could care less what people think about me. Let me qualify that statement. I don't care what people (who are not friends or family) think about me.I have told you all before that my friends and family are my life. I will do whatever I can to help them and keep them happy. Ignorant outsiders, I could give a shit. People that have issues with my friends (or me) for the way that they choose to live their life, or how they were born, or the things that they like (or don't like) drive me insane. I am not here to give them any of my time....I am here to tell my friends and family... The world will tell you who you are...until the point comes where you tell them.
I guess that is all I came here to say today. Just letting you all know that I am here, and I have heard you all when you have shown me your true colors. I accept all of you for who you are, just as you all accept me. Don't waste your time listening to the nay sayers...(just this here nay nay sayer). Don't let them tell you who you are....you tell them! Until next time...Stay Salty.
-Salty Dog
When I look at the guys in this picture, it makes me think of the melting pot of friends and acquaintances I have come to acquire. One of them is gay, one of them weighs over 300 pounds, and one of them is a hillbilly. Now, if I were to further expand my collection of friends I would see that I have both gay and lesbian friends, Christian and Satanist friends, black and white friends, overweight and nearly anorexic friends, and old and young friends. I look back to high school...I had friends that were jocks, heads, preps, band geeks, nerds, closeted gays (it isn't like they could just be "out" in the late 80s in high school), and all other subclasses. This blog is for all of them (hell, there are many of those categories that I fall in as well....Satanist, overweight, geek, jock) and for me as well.
If you wear a XXL t-shirt or bigger, you are looked at like there is something wrong with you. If you believe that Jesus was something more than a character in a book (like Moby Dick) there are people who ridicule you. If you don't believe in Jesus at all, you are laughed at. If you are a guy that is attracted to other guys or a girl that is attracted to other girls you are called names, or beaten, and not afforded the rights of your heterosexual counterparts. If you speak with a Southern accent you are considered a redneck. If you speak with a Northern accent, you are considered a dumb Yankee. When we become adults, we find ways to deal with all of these issues. We shrug them off, we protest against the treatment, we hole up in our homes and shun the outside world...the list goes on.
In general, I could care less what people think about me. Let me qualify that statement. I don't care what people (who are not friends or family) think about me.I have told you all before that my friends and family are my life. I will do whatever I can to help them and keep them happy. Ignorant outsiders, I could give a shit. People that have issues with my friends (or me) for the way that they choose to live their life, or how they were born, or the things that they like (or don't like) drive me insane. I am not here to give them any of my time....I am here to tell my friends and family... The world will tell you who you are...until the point comes where you tell them.
I guess that is all I came here to say today. Just letting you all know that I am here, and I have heard you all when you have shown me your true colors. I accept all of you for who you are, just as you all accept me. Don't waste your time listening to the nay sayers...(just this here nay nay sayer). Don't let them tell you who you are....you tell them! Until next time...Stay Salty.
-Salty Dog
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